How Much Should Your Husband Help With Baby? (2024)

You’re wondering how much your husband should be helping with the baby. The lack of help is likely enveloping you. And it’s probably caused strife in your relationship.

I mean, it’s 2024. Shouldn’t there be an equal division of labor by now?

Unfortunately, that’s still not the case. Moms average five more hours a week of paid and unpaid labor than dads – even if both parents work full-time outside of the home.

But when your partner isn’t doing his fair share, we start to feel angry and resentful. Tensions build and relationships suffer.

Reasons Why Your Husband Doesn’t Help With Baby

Justified or not, there are reasons why your husband isn’t helping with the baby as much as you’d like.

1. He Works

Your husband isn’t helping with the baby because he works. This is a common excuse I hear among new parents.

It’s assumed that, because you are on maternity leave or staying home with the baby (or a woman), that you should be the one to take care of your new bundle of joy.

Again, justified or not, this may be a reason he isn’t helping with the baby.

2. He Feels Inadequate

Moms and their baby have a natural bond. Or based on incessant cries, we simply know the baby needs something, and do whatever it takes to figure out what that need is.

Either way, it seems like a mom knows what the baby needs. This can leave your husband feeling inadequate.

Your husband is new to this whole baby thing, too. And, especially if you’ve been the primary parent for awhile, your husband will start feeling less and less sufficient in fulfilling the baby’s needs.

3. He Doesn’t Know What is Helpful

Believe it or not, this is a common concern for a new dad. And one that hurts his ego.

Generally speaking, men aren’t great at admitting they don’t know things. It’s unlikely he is going to come up to you and say, “I’m unsure of what to do right now. How can I help?”

Instead of admitting he doesn’t know how to help, he might just wait to help until he is asked.

4. He (Wrongly) Assumes It’s Easier for Mom

Moms can often seem like they have it all figured out – even if we’re totally struggling on the inside. Because of that, your husband might just assume it’s easier for you to do it.

This is a perfect example of he old adage: You know what they say about assuming – it makes an ass out of you and me.

5. He’s Stressed

Men (and women, for that matter) don’t cope well under stress. In fact, quite the opposite. When we feel stressed, we turn inward and become consumed by the stressor.

When that happens, it leaves little room to think about other things that need to be taken care of. For example, the baby.

7 Ways Your Husband Should Be Helping With Baby

Your husband may have useless nipples, but there are plenty of other ways he should help with the baby.

1. Diaper Changes

New babies have about 10 diaper changes every day, giving dad ample opportunity to help. While diaper changes aren’t exactly the glorious side of parenthood, they are a good time to bond with the baby.

At about 3-months-old, your baby will start smiling up a storm. The more you and your husband can make eye contact and engage with the baby, the better. It will build baby’s emotional intelligence.

When your baby is on the changing table, take a little extra time to coo and babble with him.

In our house, I holler “Code Brown” and daddy knows he’s up to bat. It’s a playful way of letting him know the baby needs a change. But doesn’t demand that he needs to help.

2. Tummy Time

Tummy time is great for baby’s development. It strengthens her neck, shoulders, and back. And starts getting her ready to crawl.

Even though I know how good tummy time is for a new baby, I still don’t like doing it. Especially when she cries during tummy time. My mama heart caves, and I pick her up immediately.

Not daddy though. He’s a bit more logical than me. He knows that even is she’s crying or fussing during tummy time, she’s okay. Making tummy time a perfect chance for him to help with the baby.

He lies on the floor next to her and gives her encouraging praise as she’s doing her baby workout. She’s getting stronger, I can go downstairs and get some laundry done, and he’s doing his fair share. A win-win-win!

3. Bath Time

Bath time can be done in the sink or with a baby bath support in the larger bathtub. Wherever you decide to do it, it’s an excellent time for dad to be helping with the baby.

I find that, sometimes, when dad is in charge, he’ll end up putting baby in the swing and start scrolling his phone. But bathing the baby requires attention and focus.

It involves connecting with the baby, which is one of the main reasons dad should be helping with him.

Then, when the bath is done, baby needs to be lotioned, diapered, and get pajamas on. Again, giving dad the time to coo, babble, smile, and ultimately, connect with baby.

4. Contact, Comfort, and Cuddles

If you’re still wondering how much should your husband be helping with the baby, you can think of how much time you spend offering comfort and cuddles to your little bundle.

One of those connection and comfort strategies is skin-to-skin. Something your husband is very capable of providing.

Skin-to-skin has many proven benefits like calming and relaxing both baby and parent, regulating temperature, reducing cortisol (the stress hormone), regulating baby’s heartbeat and breathing, and much more.

Many people think skin-to-skin only helps baby right after birth, but the truth is skin-to-skin should be done daily because it benefits baby for months.

There are other ways to comfort your baby, too. Rocking, singing, holding, reading to, snuggling, and cuddling are all ways to bond with your baby. There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to comfort her.

Here’s the thing: Moms and dads will comfort baby in their own way, and that’s good. That’s how it should be. Let your husband comfort your baby in his own, helpful way.

5. Restocking Items

One thing your husband should be doing to help with the baby is restocking items when they get low. He can fill the diaper caddy with diapers, wipes, and lotions.

If you’re breastfeeding, he can make sure there are enough snacks, water, nursing pads, and burp clothes on your nursing cart. Or he should get the bottles and pump parts clean and ready for use.

There is never a shortage of things to restock, and it’s a great daddy job.

6. Getting Baby Outside

Fresh air is not only beneficial for parents, it’s important for babies, too. They get vitamin D, it supports development, improves sleeps, and more. Babies should be getting outside every day.

Whether your husband takes the baby for a neighborhood walk to give you a break or you opt for some family time outside together, make a plan to get out daily.

This is also something your husband should be helping with. He can help by getting baby dressed and ready, putting the baby in the carrier or stroller, or getting snacks for baby.

7. Meal Time

If your baby is exclusively breastfeeding, then let’s be honest, your husband is fairly useless in that department. But if baby is taking a bottle or starting solids, dad can surely pitch in.

Your husband can be preparing the bottle or bottle feeding the baby with pumped milk or formula. He can also meal prep solid food for your baby.

Bottle feeding is another bonding opportunity. So, if you have a supple, your husband can feed the baby, too. And you can get a short break.

Ways to Encourage Your Husband to Help With Baby

Husbands are excellent support people. Sometimes, they just need a little encouragement.

Communicate Your Concerns

This is a tough one, but undoubtably the most important. Your husband can’t read your mind. (Sometimes, he can’t even read body language and every cue given to him.)

It’s up to you to verbally communicate your needs to your husband.

Make sure to have this conversation when the time is right. Meaning, don’t have the conversation when either of you is hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (the H.A.L.T. Method).

Also, avoid blaming or using accusatory language. That’s a recipe for defensiveness, and the conversation won’t be productive.

Instead, use “I” Statements. You can start by saying, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed” or “This transition into motherhood has been really hard for me. I’d like to talk about it. Is now a good time?”

Don’t Micromanage

If your husband is receptive to the conversation, and realizes he should be helping with the baby, let him. And more than that, let him do it in his own way.

You husband won’t care for the baby in the exact same way as you. He will do things differently. That’s good for the baby. In fact, it will help the baby be more adaptable later in life.

It’s very possible your husband already feel inadequate in the parenting department. So when he finally steps up to the plate and starts helping, it is absolutely imperative that you don’t micromanage him.

If you just can’t seem to keep your comments to yourself, leave. Take a walk, go to Target, go for a drive, whatever. But get out of the house and let him do his daddy thing.

Compliment Him

When your husband is helping with the baby, make sure he knows how much you appreciate him.

Say things like, “I really loved how you did tummy time with Jack yesterday” or “It’s so fun watching you play with Betty.”

Make him feel needed, because he is.

The Wrap Up: How Much Should Your Husband Help with Baby?

Even though we’re in the 21st century, moms are still doing way more than dads when it comes to caring for the baby.

The reality is, there is no set number of hours that your husband should be helping with the baby. But he definitely should be doing his fair share.

Dads can help with diaper changes, tummy time, baths, bottle prep, and more. And your husband will be far more likely to help with your baby if you let him do things in his own way.

The bottom line: Beyond breastfeeding, there is nothing a dad can’t do. And your husband should be helping with your baby.

Read next: How to Be a Happy Mom: 7 New Ideas