Financial Stress: 5 Tips for Coping with Money Stress
This topic is absolutely essential for starting your own Financial Self-Care journey.
We are talking all about financial stress and 5 ways to cope with money stress. You can listen to the complete episode on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or or wherever you like to listen!
Trigger Warning:
I am going to briefly talk about suicidal ideation, attempts, and completion.
If this is not something you can hear right now, please find a different episode that does not come with a trigger warning.
I’m here to talk about all things money: the good, the bad, and the ugly, but I need you to take care of yourself first and foremost.
If you’re in the U.S., you can always call 988 for the national Suicide and Crisis Hotline, where a professional will be able to assist you.
Financial Stress is Common
Before we get into the coping strategies, I think it’s really important to highlight just how common financial stress really is.
According to the American Psychological Association, 72% of American adults reported feeling stressed about money at least some of the time, and 22% of which reported extreme money stress in the last month.
The study goes on to say, in many cases, people were putting their health care needs on hold because of financial concerns.
Another study, by Thrive Global, says “Money is the #1 stressor in the United States” and 90% of respondents say, “finances negatively impact their daily stress levels.”
Financial Stress Impacts Your Health
As a financial therapist, I believe in whole-body wellness. Meaning financial stress does not simply affect your pocketbook; it has other really serious repercussions, which I want to address.
Financial stress impacts your physical health, emotional health, and relational health. We’re going to break this down a little bit.
Financial Stress Impacts Physical Health
According to that same Thrive Global study, more than one-third of individuals say their sleep is negatively impacted by financial stress.
Look, I don’t know about you, but I’m a mom of two toddlers. The last thing I need is one more thing negatively impacting my sleep.
Financial stress has also been known to increase blood pressure, respiratory concerns, and other somatic issues.
And 25% of people reported financial stress correlating to increased rates of tension.
Financial Stress Impacts Mental Health
We know financial stress also impacts emotional and mental health.
HelpGuide.org tells us that those with debt – and I’ll preface this with saying high-interest debt (so anything with an interest rate of over 7%) – are twice as likely to experience symptoms of clinical depression.
This would be things like feelings of hopelessness, loss of interest in normal or pleasurable activities, angry outbursts, lack of energy, and so on.
Financial stress is also correlated to increased anxiety symptoms like feeling restless, overwhelmed, or on edge, having a sense of impending doom, danger, or panic, trouble concentrating, or physical manifestations of anxiety like that increased rate of tension.
It also can lead to unhealthy or maladaptive coping mechanisms like using or abusing prescription drugs, alcohol, or illegal substances.
Finally – this is where I’ll give you a trigger warning – a 2020 study found that financial stress is a major predictor of suicidal ideation, attempts, and completion. Death by suicide is actually tracked.
Suicide attempts and completions skyrocketed after the 2008 financial crisis. It goes without saying, financial stress is very, very serious.
Financial Stress Impacts Relational Health
The last area wellness that we’ll talk about is how financial stress impacts relational health.
40% of those who have been through a divorce say financial stress played a part in the separation. Actually, I think that stat is quite low.
I dug a little deeper, and found infidelity is rated as the number one reason for divorce. But second to that is – quote – “communication issues.” To me, “communication issues” is the most broad term I’ve ever heard.
What does that even mean?
If I had to wager a bet, couples “communication issues” often stem from money issues, whether it’s a direct or indirect impact.
Anyway, relational health doesn’t just consist of intimate partner relationships.
Friendships can be impacted by financial stress, too.
For example, I had a client who told me she has an opportunity to go on a girls trip with her college friends. She really wants to go, but it would be financially draining for her.
Luckily, in her case, she has really good friends who are willing to change the trip to accommodate my client. But still, there are residual feelings of guilt and inadequacy lingering there.
Think of other relationships in your life. How many times has money been a source of stress for you with your family members, friends, co-workers, or other important relationships in your life?
Not to mention, the number one relationship we’re here trying to look out for: the one with yourself.
So that brings me to the point of all this, which is:
Financial stress is common, but it shouldn’t be normal.
I don’t want to normalize financial stress, and unfortunately, those stats are telling us financial stress is the norm.
Financial Stress Impacts Every Income
And these reports aren’t exclusive to individuals under the poverty line. In fact, not even close.
A 2022 Federal Reserve study found that 36% of Americans who earn more than $200,000 per year are living paycheck-to-paycheck.
$200,000 per year is a lot of money, and yet over a third of people in that income bracket still feel like they’re scraping by.
So the big question is: What can you do about it?
How to Cope with Financial Stress
If you’re the person saying, “Yes, that’s me. I’m so stressed about money. It’s constantly weighing on me.” You’re in luck.
Here are 5 things you can do to cope with financial stress:
1. Know where you fall on the Relationship Spectrum
What I first want you to understand is: You are in a relationship with money.
And, if you’re like most people, that relationship would be labeled as “it’s complicated” on Facebook.
The truth is, like all relationships, your relationship with money is going to fall somewhere between toxic and healthy. And it’s not necessarily one or the other, but think of it as a relationship spectrum. Where would you fall?
Toxic Relationship with Money
Signs you’re in a toxic relationship with money include:
- Avoidance. This is literally called the Ostrich effect – where you stick your head in the sand and ignore your money. It might look like avoiding mail with bills inside or not checking your account balances.
- You and your partner fight about money.
- Talking about money makes you hot or shaky. Maybe your palms start to sweat.
- You hold limiting beliefs about money and have money scripts – conscious or unconscious – that say things like: “Money is the root of all evil” or “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
Healthy Relationship with Money
On the other side of the spectrum, you can be in a healthy relationship with money. That might include things like:
- Knowing what your income is or living within your means. (And that would mean you actually have to know what your means are. Right?)
- You have clear financial goals (I call these your North Stars and we’ll talk about that a bit later.)
- You practice intentional, values-based spending. Meaning, you’re not falling prey to impulse buying on Amazon Prime or you’re not guilty of meandering around Target in the home decor decor section, buying more seasonal decor.
- You feel calm and confident when talking about money. It doesn’t feel so taboo.
- You have a willingness to learn about money. At the very least, that would mean you’re moving out of a toxic relationship with money and into a healthier, more positive one.
The first way to cope with financial stress is to recognize that you are in a relationship with money. The next things is to schedule a money date.
2. Schedule a Money Date
I love me a good ‘ol Money Date! A money date is scheduled time to look at or discuss your pay stubs, statements, bills, and most importantly, your North Stars.
I say scheduled time because it’s really important that this date ends up on your calendar. Otherwise it won’t happen.
Make it a point to schedule a Money Date at least once a month. Better yet, if you’re new to Money dates, schedule them bi-weekly or even weekly.
Your environment is for your Money Date. The space for your Money date needs to be calm and relaxing.
(AKA don’t try to have this date with yourself or your partner in the middle of a chaotic kitchen. Your brain won’t be able to be calm and focused the way you’ll want it to be.)
Money Date Example
I’ll give you the perfect example of this.
I have a couple who I adore. They truly love each other and generally have stuff figured out. Except with money. It’s the one downfall.
I encouraged them to have a goal-making Money Date, where they avoid talking about the numbers, and they simply dream together – they make their North Stars together.
Initially, during this date, the guy proposed they have the date in his home office. And the women reluctantly agreed.
But just as she stepped foot into his work space, she asked if they could move to the couch. She said it would feel less like “his territory” and more neutral, like Switzerland.
He totally understood, they grabbed a glass of wine, cozied up on the couch, and had a great Money Date.
3. Talk to Someone About Your Financial Stress
If you’re in a partnership and experiencing financial stress, I’d be willing to bet, you and your partner are already regularly fighting about money.
So, in theory, I’d love to tell you that you should talk to your spouse. But the reality is, that conversation probably hasn’t been going well.
What I will say is, you can try a different approach.
This is how I always recommend that anyone start a conversation about money – whether it’s your spouse you’re talking to. Or your mom, bestie, or anyone you feel comfortable with.
Approach with vulnerability and curiosity.
Scripts to Talk about Financial Stress
You can say something like:
“Hey, I was read a blog by this weird financial therapist today, and she talked a lot about financial stress. I have definitely been feeling the effects of money stress. Can we talk about it?”
Or
“I feel like every time we try to talk about money, we fight. I know I play a role in that, and that’s not how I want to show up in these conversations anymore. Can we put time on the calendar to have a money date, and talk about it?”
Or
“I was listening to this podcast called Financial Self-Care, and it dawned on me that I wasn’t really taught very much about money. And I’d really like to start learning about how to not be so stressed financially. Would you be open to learning together?”
All of these are excellent ways of taking ownership, taking accountability, showing your willingness to change, and being open, honest, and vulnerable.
It’s such a better approach than saying, “You’re always ordering shit from Amazon that we don’t need. Can you stop?”
That intro to the conversation is going to get you nowhere. Right? I mean it’s just asking for someone to be defensive and not want to continue the conversation.
Hire a Financial Therapist
And remember, I’m a financial therapist. We exist.
Yes, regular therapy is phenomenal. I’m a big fan. And most therapists can’t dig into the money stuff, like a specialist can.
Financial therapists, like myself, are certainly here to support you. And we can be that someone that you need to talk to about your money stress.
4. Make Your North Stars
This is going to look different for everyone, and it should because your North Stars, your goals are unique to you.
I said this earlier, but I call your goals your North Stars because they will be your guiding lights for how you want to spend, save, invest, and give your money.
Maybe you want to get out of debt. Or take your kids to Disney. Maybe you want to stop feeling out-of-control or overwhelmed with your money. Maybe you want to go on more dates with your partner. Or you want to take a fun girls trip for your 40th birthdays. Maybe you want to confidently help your kids pay for college. Or retire at 60 years old.
Maybe you want to do all of that or maybe you don’t want to do any of that.
Whatever it is, you need to figure out, in detail, what you want. How do you want to feel? What do you want to do? Get specific. Get excited.
Remember, all goals are financial goals. There are very few things that you’re going to want to accomplish in life that don’t have a financial component to it. So nothing is off the table here. Dream BIG.
This is the exciting part, and it gets to be fun.
5. Take Decisive Action
You’ve started realizing you’re in a relationship with money. You have your money dates scheduled. Your support systems are in place. You have your North Stars written out.
Now, you can take decisive action on how to start laying the stepping stones to reach the goals that you’re trying to accomplish.
The only way out is through.
And decisive actions can be any number of things for you. It might look like:
- Committing to weekly money dates
- Starting a high-yield savings account
- Making a list of all your debt, so you know the exact amount you need to start tackling
- Opening a 529 plan for your kid’s education
- Approaching your partner in a softer, more open way so you two can have a real, raw, productive conversation about money.
- Signing up for financial therapy and making a commitment to yourself to really lean into financial self-care.
Whatever the next step is for you, I encourage you to do it.
The Wrap Up: 5 Ways to Cope with Financial Stress
There you have it, folks. If you’re experiencing financial stress you’re certainly not alone. But there are so many things you can do to cope with it.
I hope you found this helpful and remember, the best way to take care of yourself is to take care of your finances.
Remember, you can listen to the entire episode here or anywhere you like to listen to podcasts.
Don’t forget to subscribe to the show to learn more about your own Financial Self-Care journey!
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