‘I Hate Being a Stay-At-Home Mom’: Why It’s Normal
I hear women say this all the time: “I thought I would love being a stay-at-home mom, but instead, I’m totally hating it.” If you, too, are feeling like you hate being a stay-at-home mom, you’re not alone.
Being a stay-at-home mom is demanding, taxing, and downright exhausting. It’s not just keeping tiny humans alive. It’s constantly keeping them entertained, educated, healthy, and happy.
If this all sounds like you, keep reading for validating reasons why you hate being a stay-at-home mom, ways to stop hating being a stay-at-home mom, and other options for stay-at-home moms.
Is It Normal to Hate Being a Stay-At-Home Mom?
Yes, it’s very normal to hate being a stay-at-home mom.
Many women become a stay-at-home mom and are quickly disappointed by how much they don’t enjoy it.
Let’s zoom out for a minute:
There is no other job where you are followed around constantly by someone saying your name repeatedly, asking for things, and being almost entirely helpless all while not being paid for your time.
Why Do I Hate Being a Stay-At-Home Mom?
There are many reasons why you hate being a stay-at-home mom. Here are some of those reasons:
It’s a thankless job
We hear it all the time, but I’m going to say it again: Being a stay-at-home mom is a thankless job. Your whole life revolves around your child.
You pick up mess after mess. You’re constantly needed for one thing or another. You barely have time to shower. And you rarely hear how appreciated you are.
Who wouldn’t hate being a stay-at-home mom when all the things you do go unnoticed and unthanked?
You’re undervalued
According to research, stay-at-home moms work the equivalent of 2.5 full-time jobs.
Breastfeeding alone can take up to 35 hours per week. Not to mention the cooking, cleaning, calendar-keeping, and other chores on your to-do list.
Rather, all that time and effort is completely undervalued despite the known short-term and long-term benefits for you child. It’s logical to hate being a stay-at-home mom when you feel so overlooked.
You feel isolated
Being a stay-at-home mom can feel extremely isolating. It’s hard to even get out of the house, much less meet other mom friends.
And the lack of intellectually stimulating adult conversation alone can make a mom go crazy. But talking to a newborn or even a toddler all day every day wears on you.
No financial earnings
Studies say if you were to be paid for your time as a stay-at-home mom, you would be earning nearly $163,000 annually. Instead, you’re stuck wiping butts rather than financially contributing to your family’s future.
It’s a lot easier to look at a paycheck and feel like you’re supporting your family than to look at yet another dirty diaper and think you’re making a difference.
Stay-At-Home Mom Depression
Here’s something to ask yourself: Do you hate being a stay-at-home mom because you’re feeling down or depressed?
Many moms experience stay-at-home mom depression. But just because it’s normal, doesn’t mean it’s okay.
What is Stay-At-Home Mom Depression?
If you’ve slowly, but steadily started thinking, “I hate being a stay-at-home mom” you may be experiencing depression and burnout. Stay-at-home mom depression is a real and common issue.
In 2012, Gallup studied 60,000 women. Researchers found stay-at-home moms were more likely to feel sad and angry than their employed counterparts. Those same moms were also more likely to be diagnosed with depression.
Stay-A-Home Mom Depression Symptoms
Here are some things depressed stay-at-home moms might be experiencing:
- Struggling to get out of bed
- Excessive exhaustion
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Changes in appetite
- Withdrawing from loved ones
- Isolating
- Thoughts of harming self
If you’re having thoughts of hurting yourself, get help immediately by seeking professional therapy or calling the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 9-8-8.
Ways to Stop Hating Being a Stay-At-Home Mom
If you hate being a stay-at-home mom, I have good news for you. There’s hope! Try this to stop hating being a stay-at-home mom:
Get Out of the House (Often)
If you hate being a stay-at-home mom, get out of the house as much as possible. Looking at the same four walls can make you feel confined.
When I started feeling stir crazy as a stay-at-home mom, I made a list of places to go and things to do as a quick point of reference to get out of the house. Here are some of the items on that list:
- Hiking
- Biking
- Paddle boating
- Be a mall-walker
- Yoga in the park
- Go Geocaching
- The zoo
- Go to the apple orchard
- Go get ice cream
Find Community
Mom friends are like no other. Truly, because other stay-at-home moms are the only ones that can relate to your burdens and woes.
In order to find mom friends, I joined mommy and me classes. We also went to local community activities, where I’ve met some very cool moms.
It’s hard to put yourself out there, but when you do, the reward is so worth the risk.
Integrate Your Kids Into A Life You Love
One of the beautiful things about being a stay-at-home mom is there isn’t one way to do it. There is no right or wrong way. You get to decide what kind of stay-at-home mom you want to be.
You don’t have to be a craft-doing, sensory-bin-making mom. If that’s not your thing, don’t do it. If you find making homemade anything to be ridiculously boring, stop.
Instead, find what is going to make you happy and integrate your kids into that hobby or pastime. For us, it was my love of travel and hiking.
When my first child was about 4-months-old, I found myself hating being a stay-at-home mom.
I was waiting for the homemade jam to cool, nursing my daughter, and vacuuming all at the same time. (Yes, I was too bored and antsy to just sit and breastfeed, so I thought vacuuming would help..? Anyway…)
As I pushed the vacuum passed our full-length mirror, I caught a glimpse of a stranger. “Who is this women?” I thought to myself. “This isn’t me and something’s gotta give.”
After a little self-evaluation, I soon discovered I didn’t hate being a stay-at-home mom, I just hated being the stay-at-home mom I thought I should be, rather than the one I was meant to be.
I Hate Being a Stay-At-Home Mom: Other Options
If you try all the ways to stop hating being a stay-at-home mom, and it’s just not working, you have other options.
Find Work-From-Home Jobs
If you hate being a stay-at-home mom, but think being a work-from-home mom is a happy-medium, look for virtual jobs.
Here is a short list of great side-hustles that can bridge the gap between “I hate being a stay-at-home mom” and “I don’t want to go back to full-time outside-of-the-house work.”
- Virtual Assistant
- Online English Teacher
- Virtual Tutor
- Blogger – (Hi, it’s me!)
- Editor or Proofreader
- Coaching
Start Working Part-Time
If work-from-home isn’t your style, then part-time work outside of your home might be a good option for you.
You could even try just nights and weekends, so you partner could be home with the kids while you’re at work. And there is no need to hire extra help.
Part-time work might be just the right balance between getting you out f the house, socialized, and financially contributing to your family’s goals.
Get started by choosing a hobby that peaks your interest. If you like knitting, apply to the local craft store. Is biking your thing? Shoot for an outdoorsman shop. If you get to go work at a hobby shop, you’ll start meeting like-minded people too. Win-win.
Go Back to Work Full-Time
If all of these things aren’t working for you, and you still hate being a stay-at-home mom, then full-time work outside your home might be the best option.
Unfortunately, many moms have extreme mom-guilt about this. So let me be clear in saying: If you decide to go back to work, you are not a failure.
Quite the opposite. If you make the bold choice to go back to work, it means you are prioritizing your mental health, and that is commendable.
The Wrap Up: ‘I Hate Being a Stay-At-Home Mom’
Being a stay-at-home mom is an almost impossible job, and you might totally hate it for a variety of reasons.
It’s possible, though, that you don’t completely hate being a stay-at-home mom. Rather, you’re experiencing stay-at-home mom depression. So make sure to consider getting help for any unwanted symptoms.
There are plenty of ways to stop hating being a stay-at-home mom. You just have to be brave enough to try them.
If you hate being a stay-at-home mom, it isn’t good for your mental health. It’s okay to want to work. The bottom line: You have to do what’s right for you and your family.