Is Having a Baby Worth It? (2024)

Short answer: Yes

Long answer: It’s complicated, individualized, and it depends.

Having a child has brought more joy than I ever thought possible

Let me start by saying, I was never the woman that dreamed of becoming a mom. In fact, the opposite was true. As a social worker that primarily worked with kids, I kind of figured I wouldn’t have any of my own.

Then came the man of my dreams. He wanted nothing more than to be a dad. And so, trusting our relationship could withstand the upheaval that is children, I chose motherhood.

If you, like many people, are wavering about whether or not parenthood is right for you, keep reading.

Things to Consider Before Having a Baby

Here are 5 questions for you to ask yourself and your partner before choosing to have a baby:

1. Am I in a stable, healthy relationship?

There is a common misconception that having a baby will bring a couple closer together. The truth is, research says relationship quality typically declines after the birth of a first child – at least for the first year.

I will attest to this. The first year of parenthood brought stressors and responsibilities neither of us could have prepared for. I will also say, in the long-term parenting has actually made our relationship and love for one another stronger.

having a stable relationship is critical before having a baby

2. Can I financially afford a baby?

According to a recent Forbes article, the average cost of childbirth is $18,865. I know this is accurate because I recently had a baby. The “Itemization of Service” for my standard vaginal delivery came to a whopping $20,248.

How much you’ll actually pay depends on a few factors (location, insurance coverage, etc.) But the fact remains, birthing a child is incredibly expensive.

Furthermore, The Washington Post reveals the cost to raise a child. They say, “From the day your baby is born until the day they turn 18, your family will spend about $310,605.” And that’s for just one child.

The financial cost of a child is one of the most important considerations when deciding if you want to have a baby.

3. Who is available to support me, my baby, and my family?

To say parenting is hard is the understatement of the century. Babies require an unmatched need for care and attention. There is a reason people say it takes a village to raise a child.

You will need emotional support to get through the transition into parenthood. Before having a baby, you will want to know who you can rely on for additional help.

4. What will the division of labor look like?

In terms of parenting, division of labor refers to who will be responsible for what household tasks. Before having a child, you and your partner will want to have established clear, not assumed, expectations each person has for one another.

An inequitable amount of housework plagues American families with a disproportionate amount of work falling onto mom’s shoulders.

This article says, “mothers are more than twice as likely to also do housework on days when they work for pay—38.7 percent compared with 15.8 percent of men—and they spend significantly more time when doing so—1.17 hours versus 0.90 hours for men.”

To combat the unequal division of labor, I recommend couples read Fair Play. Fair Play is a book and method that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities.

5. Am I prepared to (completely) change my life?

Truth be told, it’s hard to completely prepare a person for parenthood. Mothers, especially, take on a body transitions and hormonal changes. Not to mention pushing a bowling ball out of a pee-sized hole.

And that’s just the pregnancy and labor process. Once the baby arrives it’s feeding the baby every two hours, sleep deprivation, and constant diaper changes. Eat, sleep, poop, repeat.

It’s also all-consuming love and a feeling of completeness.

Motherhood provides and all-consuming feeling of completeness.

Advantages of Being Child-Free by Choice

There are many advantages of being child-free by choice.

1. Lots of free time

Unsurprisingly, people who choose a child-free life have more time to themselves. There is time for hobbies, building a career, and traveling. The options are limitless. Having plenty of free time is a huge advantage for people who choose to be child-free.

2. Financial flexibility

Choosing to be child-free offers more financial flexibility. Like we talked about before, babies are expensive. And now, more than ever, couples are choosing to be child-free because of the added expense.

3. More spontaneity

Caring for just yourself makes it far easier to be spontaneous. There is something exciting about being able to do what you want, when you want, without constraints.

Advantages of Having a Baby

The advantages of being child-free are undeniable. But keep in mind the advantages of having a baby, too.

1. Renews a child-like sense of wonder

Children have an unmatched curiosity of the world, and it’s contagious. A child-like sense of wonder slows the world down, yields gratitude, and sparks creativity. It’s a huge advantage to having children.

2. Intensifies emotions

It goes without saying, children bring a lot of emotion. The article found that children can make you happier. It also acknowledges a baby brings stress and anxiety. The conclusion is, “The highs are higher, the lows are lower.”

3. Children provide social support (as you age)

A German study found that after kids move out, they become a social support. It’s widely known that social support combats loneliness and is associated with greater life satisfaction.

Personal Experience

My life was unperturbed, almost effortless, before having a baby. I was content in my relationship. I loved my career. I saw my friends frequently. I traveled often.

And while having a baby has turned all that upside down, the change has taught me more than I ever could imagine.

Now, on a daily basis, I vacillate between wanting to sell my children to the circus and loving them so deeply it makes my heart physically ache.

Every day there are moments when I ask myself, “What in that actual f*ck is going on?” Just today I had to stop my toddler from throwing her poopy diaper across the room while simultaneously nursing my newborn. I’m telling you, the days get weird.

But during my mere two-and-a-half years as a mom, I’ve transformed into someone I am supposed to be. I’ve rediscovered myself and tuned into my true purpose.

It feels like motherhood has taken me on an unexpected path filled with sinkholes and barriers. But when I get to the lookout points, I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.

The sappy truth is: I’ve never felt a deeper, more unconditional love than I do for my children. And it is so worth it.

The Wrap Up: Is Having a Baby Worth It?

The choice to become a parent is a major decision, and not one that should be taken lightly. This is what you can do to make the right decision for you:

Consider the tough questions we talked about at the beginning of this article (relationship satisfaction, financial situation, support system, and effective communication).
Weigh the advantages and disadvantages of childrearing versus child-free by choice.
Ask friends and family about their personal experience with raising children. Try to speak with a range of people (those who have younger kids, older kids, and empty nesters) for a broad range of input.

At the end of the day, there is no one-size-fits all.